Friday, November 2, 2012

Star Wars Re-casted!

With the recent corporate shift of Lucasfilm into the Disney Empire, many of my fellow fans have resurfaced their old (and generally impossible) aspirations for the future of Star Wars. Not to be outdone, I felt it only fair to contribute my outlandish speculations on what would happen if the original Star Wars trilogy was re-filmed and re-cast today? 

Here are the actors and actresses that come most readily to mind:

Luke Skywalker: Rupert Grint
Sure, he's a nerdy ginger, but let's be honest, we actually really liked him for it in Harry Potter. He could easily pass for the hopeful farm-kid with big dreams, who actually feels heroic when the need arises.

Princess Leia: Ellen Paige 
Strong, intelligent, elegant. Ellen's got it all. There's nothing lifeless about this one. Yet she doesn't loose her cool at the drop of a hat. You need that if you're gonna tell off Han Solo in the midst of his swagger. Speaking of which...

Han Solo: Nathan Fillion,   Hugh Jackman   Robert Downy Jr.

Let's get one thing straight. Harrison Ford IS Han Solo. Period. What we're talking about is who could do justice to the character if presented in a different light. Fillion is perfect. However, the Eternal Laws of Parody require that the Firefly lead stick with his Serenity and leave the Falcon alone. Hugh has the scruff and the smile, but he's just too...jacked! Downy Jr. delivers the class and the charisma. Plus it'd be fun to see him as the "street smart" know-it-all for a change.

Chewbacca: Will Ferrell 
Hear me out, please. Let's start with the essentials. Chewie is freakishly tall: Check. He makes weird noises: Check. Also, let's remember that you need to be a top notch physical actor to pull off the speechless role. Any fans of Ferrell's early SNL career will affirm that he is in fact, a genius when it comes to physical comedy. ....OK, I didn't want to say it, but he's also VERY comfortable running around without clothes! There, it's out! Next character please?

C-3PO: Jim Parsons
You need to ask?

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Pierce Brosnan 

You heard right. His life as a man of action is all in the past. Now He's the old warrior with a twinkle in the eye and the spunk to get the job done right. "These aren't the droids you're looking for..."

Moff Tarkin: Daniel Craig
Speaking of Bond...Does it not add a chilling depth to this character? He's willing to go to any lengths to destroy his enemies...And he's the bad guy! Gives me the creeps!

Lando Calrissian: Will Smith
Really, why not? This the story all about how, I came to be the Baron Administrator of a place called Cloud City! "My, oh my, what have we here...?"

Mon Mothma: Judi Dench
Once again, back to the Bond franchise. She's a leader, we respect her, and if you need to hear the news that many Bothans have died, who else would you want to break it to you?

Emperor Palpatine: Ralph Fiennes
 To be honest, this is more of a test just to see how much evil one actor can personify. Voldemort, Hades...etc. Secondly, I want to see Mace Windu send a Patronus saying: PALPATINE HAS TAKEN OVER THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC!!!

Darth Vader: Lawrence Makoare
Don't be afraid, the voice is still Mr. Jones, but that intimidating giant in dark armor can't go to just anybody. You probably don't remember the name, but you remember the presence in Lord of the Rings. AKA: Lurtz, Gothmog, and... THEFREAKINGWITCHKINGOFANGMAR!!! YOU DON'T KNOW THE POWER OF THE DARKSIDE!!!

Well, that's as far as I got for know. I'd love to hear some of your ideas for any of these or other beloved Star Wars characters. Until then,

May the force be with you!

Jake Rivers


  1. Some thoughts:

    Grint: Brilliant.
    Paige: OK.
    Downey: Was my first choice as well.
    Ferrell: You're a clod.
    Parsons: Agree.
    Brosnan: Awesome.
    Craig: Disagree, I'd get Stanley Tucci
    Smith: Totally!
    Dench: Sure, why not?
    Feines: What you meant to say was "Hugo Weaving"
    Makoare: Cool. Cool, cool, cool.

    But who will direct Jake? Who will direct?

    Whedon? Nolan? Some other (wrong) option?

  2. When you teach English, you need to know the difference between "know" and "now" now!

  3. Kevin,

    Popular opinion says Nolan directs, but Peter Jackson is the choice for people who want outrageous extended editions