Star Wars Re-casted!

With the recent corporate shift of Lucasfilm into the Disney Empire, many of my fellow fans have resurfaced their old (and generally impossible) aspirations for the future of Star Wars. Not to be outdone, I felt it only fair to contribute my outlandish speculations on what would happen if the original Star Wars trilogy was re-filmed and re-cast today? 

Here are the actors and actresses that come most readily to mind:

Luke Skywalker: Rupert Grint
Sure, he's a nerdy ginger, but let's be honest, we actually really liked him for it in Harry Potter. He could easily pass for the hopeful farm-kid with big dreams, who actually feels heroic when the need arises.

Princess Leia: Ellen Paige 
Strong, intelligent, elegant. Ellen's got it all. There's nothing lifeless about this one. Yet she doesn't loose her cool at the drop of a hat. You need that if you're gonna tell off Han Solo in the midst of his swagger. Speaking of which...


Han Solo: Nathan Fillion,   Hugh Jackman   Robert Downy Jr.

Let's get one thing straight. Harrison Ford IS Han Solo. Period. What we're talking about is who could do justice to the character if presented in a different light. Fillion is perfect. However, the Eternal Laws of Parody require that the Firefly lead stick with his Serenity and leave the Falcon alone. Hugh has the scruff and the smile, but he's just too...jacked! Downy Jr. delivers the class and the charisma. Plus it'd be fun to see him as the "street smart" know-it-all for a change.

Chewbacca: Will Ferrell 
Hear me out, please. Let's start with the essentials. Chewie is freakishly tall: Check. He makes weird noises: Check. Also, let's remember that you need to be a top notch physical actor to pull off the speechless role. Any fans of Ferrell's early SNL career will affirm that he is in fact, a genius when it comes to physical comedy. ....OK, I didn't want to say it, but he's also VERY comfortable running around without clothes! There, it's out! Next character please?




C-3PO: Jim Parsons
You need to ask?


Obi-Wan Kenobi: Pierce Brosnan 

You heard right. His life as a man of action is all in the past. Now He's the old warrior with a twinkle in the eye and the spunk to get the job done right. "These aren't the droids you're looking for..."

Moff Tarkin: Daniel Craig
Speaking of Bond...Does it not add a chilling depth to this character? He's willing to go to any lengths to destroy his enemies...And he's the bad guy! Gives me the creeps!


Lando Calrissian: Will Smith
Really, why not? This the story all about how, I came to be the Baron Administrator of a place called Cloud City! "My, oh my, what have we here...?"

Mon Mothma: Judi Dench
Once again, back to the Bond franchise. She's a leader, we respect her, and if you need to hear the news that many Bothans have died, who else would you want to break it to you?

Emperor Palpatine: Ralph Fiennes
 To be honest, this is more of a test just to see how much evil one actor can personify. Voldemort, Hades...etc. Secondly, I want to see Mace Windu send a Patronus saying: PALPATINE HAS TAKEN OVER THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC!!!

Darth Vader: Lawrence Makoare
Don't be afraid, the voice is still Mr. Jones, but that intimidating giant in dark armor can't go to just anybody. You probably don't remember the name, but you remember the presence in Lord of the Rings. AKA: Lurtz, Gothmog, and... THEFREAKINGWITCHKINGOFANGMAR!!! YOU DON'T KNOW THE POWER OF THE DARKSIDE!!!






Well, that's as far as I got for know. I'd love to hear some of your ideas for any of these or other beloved Star Wars characters. Until then,

May the force be with you!

Jake Rivers

The Bible IS a Science Textbook!

     Archaeologists were astonished last month to unearth the remains of what appears to be a first century "classroom" in a cave not far from Jerusalem. Despite its small size, the cave was spacious enough for one adult "teacher" and twelve adolescent "students". In addition to a wealth of early Christian symbols adorning the walls, explorers were amazed to discover a collection of chemicals, minerals, plant and animal samples, some fragmented Greek parchments, and curiously enough, a stack of twelve identical copies of the Jewish Old Testament. Archaeologists are already celebrating the find as not only a rare picture into first century scientific education, but explicit proof that the Bible actually was intended to be read as a science textbook.

     "It really is an astounding find!" The Senior Archaeologist reported. "It's bound to turn both the religious and scientific worlds on their heads."

     This statement became even more true than expected when further investigation of the classroom revealed detailed instruction for how to make animals talk, how to create matter out of nothing, and the theoretical framework for how to survive in the belly of a great fish for up to 72 hours. 

     "As a scientist, I follow the evidence, no matter where it leads." One science professor remarked after reviewing the findings. "As a man of science, one frequently has to abandon theories when they are shown to be false. It's been the way of science for millions of--I mean thousands of years! In science, it doesn't matter how many alterations have been made. What matters is whatever we believe today, we know will always be correct!"

    The find has not been without its share of controversy. Certain activist groups are outraged at the notion that they be expected to give the Bible more credence now that it is affirmed as scientific fact, and have now taken up the mantra that "Science is Intolerant" and have even gone so far as to decry Mathematical Physics as being a "fundamentalist agenda".

     Not to be outdone, the evangelical community rejoiced at the findings calling it a miracle [scientific discovery] from God.  "Our country just doesn't value church the way it used to." One local pastor commented. "We've had to abandon our study of Finding Answers in the Book of Genesis for the more simplified study Finding the Book of Genesis. People just seem to fall asleep now in church, so I'm grateful I can now do science lectures which are bound to keep people at the edge of their pews for hours!" 

     Other Christian groups lament their loss of status as a "Faith Based Organization" and are now assimilated into "Scientific Associations". The marketing departments however, have already acquired the rights to slogans such as "Just Have Science", and "Science Moves Mountains!".

     Indeed, it seems the ramifications of this find could be endless. Formerly unknown historical figures will soon be integrated into the history books, such as the recently discovered Gentile scientist, "Bildad Nye the Science Goy". The archaeological team intends to continue their excavation and will be posting their discoveries regularly. There seems little doubt among professionals that, like The Dead Sea Scrolls, The Gospel of Judas, and Hillsong United's four power chords, the discovery of The Jerusalem Science Classroom, will most certainly continue to impact the world, for generations. 

Ethics Case Study #1

Dan belongs to a religious sect that has a long history of practicing astrology. According to his religious convictions, he is persuaded that his unborn child will display homosexual tendencies. His religion does not condone homosexuality, but he still desires to raise the child. However, his common-law partner Sue, a non-practicing Catholic, has determined she wants to take no chances and is seeking to acquire an abortion. Canadian Law prevents Dan from making the final decision. When first questioned about her decision, Sue insisted that she was operating within her rights and that for her, it fell into the same category as terminating a fetus that would be born handicapped. "There's no way I could feel comfortable being forced to care for a child like that" she told her doctor. Sue explained that if her doctor refused her an abortion due to her reasoning, she would turn to other methods, even suggesting Fetal Alcohol Syndrome as a means of assuring her a less controversial approach. "My doctor encouraged me to abort when I was sixteen when FAS was discovered." Sue was overheard saying, "I hope it doesn't come to that, but I can't make this decision based on what makes people happy." What is the most ethical outcome for this scenario?

I've always had a deep fascination with ethics. Not the least of which is exploring how personal values dictate opinions. In the fictitious case study above, a number of controversial issues are presented. This is done so, not to create adversity, but to explore the assumptions that go into the formulating of our conclusions. How does the prioritizing of issues dictate the expression of our worldview?

For example,
Priority 1: Woman's rights - Sue must not be made to do anything against her will.
P2: Religion - Faith groups must not be forced to abide by societal restrictions
P3: etc....

What's your priority list? Again, the purpose of this post is not provide an arena for explicit slander, it is an opportunity to examine how conclusions are formed. Feel free to even include why you put certain priorities where you do. Have fun and keep it clean!

Jake Rivers

Motion in Poetry

With all the intensity of the past few days culminating in the epic crossing from Canada into the USA, it's been hard to articulate just how amazing this adventure has been so far. Thus, I have opted to convey my words in the form of a poem to convey the sweeping magnitude that is my emotion. Here is the essence of yesterdays adventure. Due to time constraints, I have opted for haiku.

Cross border at 4,
Stealing train station Wi-Fi
Eat big hamburger.

But seriously we're love traveling and we especially love being in the US. And now for several days of intensive training before the grand departure for Brazil on Saturday!

Until next time,

Jake Rivers

The One About the Car

Since finishing my final shift at work last Saturday, Ash and I have been assimilated into a whirlwind tour of Ontario, saying our hellos and goodbyes to various friends and family members before our impending departure for Brazil. We ate 'merican appetizers in Port Huron, enjoyed multiple packing and unpackings during a brief stopover in Cambridge, raced through the Brazilian embassy in Toronto, took advantage of much family generosity in Orillia, went backpack hunting on Sudbury, and spent a weekend enlightening ourselves to the deeper meanings of "campfire odor" on the banks of Blind River.The good news is at each stop both Ash and I were very blessed for the good times we were able to enjoy. The bad news is that not all these stops were in geographical order, resulting in much back and forth venturing and much coin given to the gas vendors. But can I really complain about travel woes, knowing I am about to depart for halfway around the world, yet am spared from the plethora of anxieties aspiring missionaries faced in previous millenniums? Nevermore!

No, I have no complaints to give regarding travel. Only heartache. And that not even for the vessel we take, but for the one we leave behind. [Sigh], I worry for my poor car!

As one could likely conclude from an hour's observation of our beautiful '97 Chevy Cavalier, (or a 15 second conversation with me), I know basically nothing about cars. Reciting the make and model actually comprises a frightening percentage of my total auto-knowledge. See, the best thing about a used car is that they come considerably cheaper. Even better when they come free from a family member, already aptly christened "The Sanctification-mobile". If you remember ATOM from the movie REAL STEEL, you'll respect that the triangulation of "Outdated", "Punching bag", and "Unstoppable" still amounts to a winning combination. In like manner, the Car demonstrates an unbiased aptitude for both new and reoccurring problems, yet always with a stiff determination to pass all mandatory tests, get us there safely, and remain [reasonably] road worthy. 

I've heard before of the special bond one often forms with the "First Car", so I suppose it's not so strange that it has taken on a sort of "Pet" status for Ash and myself. Perhaps this is why I have taken to describing its ailments in far more "organic" terminology. So if you hear me describe how our car is in a coma, stiff jointed, flatulent, or (as it currently is) down with a nasty cough and reoccurring bladder problems, you know where the mindset's coming from.

With our 3 month departure so imminent, the future for the dear Chevi remains clouded. Our deep hope is that enough will be leftover in the bank to pay for the needed repairs so that we'll have wheels to come home to in January. Yet we know whatever happens, we'll be in good hands. We were 4 months away from getting married, penniless, carless, and clueless, when God provided this wonderful vehicle for us. We prayed for a used car to last us a year and it has lasted us over two. Whatever happens to us in Brazil and whatever we might come home to, (to drastically paraphrase Hebrews 12:1-2) we'll keep "looking to where we wanna go."

Blessings,

Jake Rivers

Fantasy Literature (Top Ten Reasons Why It's Awesome)

This week's epic read!

     I love Fantasy Literature. If it came down to it, I'd probably claim it as my favorite genre. I mean seriously, who doesn't get even a little bit geeked out at the thought of epic quests, ethereal locations, and mysterious characters? OK, probably lots of people, but for those of us who do, you know what I'm talking about!

Top Ten Reasons Why Fantasy Literature Is Awesome:

10: Just Like Real Life

Good vs. Evil, "ordinary" people doing extraordinary things, and accepting deals from sketchy figures in back alleys is always a bad idea. 

9: No Loose Ends

If you meet someone, find something, or go somewhere, it will somehow inevitably apply latter in the story. (Or sequel at the very least)

8: Problems Solved In Cool Ways

Break it, smash it, burn it, melt it, stab him, poison it, aim for the weak points, rebuild it, rescue her, kiss her, etc. (Not a single piece of paper work to be submitted!)

7. Nothing Like Real Life

Peasants become royalty on a regular basis, magic items cure any disease, and evil villains are obligated to exclusively wear sinister apparel. 

6: Talking Animals

"I'm a talking wolf," said the Talking Wolf...

5: Legacies. 

Recent surveys indicated 99% of fantasy characters had parents who fought for something worth dying for. (sure we miss them, but they always leave behind such cool stuff for us!)

4: Magic

(Duh, it's magic!)

3: Currency

Gold is somehow both ten times as easy to find and ten times as valuable as it is in real life!

2: Non-Lethal Death-Traps

Only in the fantasy world can you fall for the most obvious of the enemies tricks, but then still manufacture a technicality and win the day. I really don't know who looks dumber really...

1: Irony

The people who love fantasy lit would be the first to snuff it if they ever got into that world. Actually, they'd never even make it to the dragon's den. If you can't do stairs, don't try mountains. (Maybe that's why people like me love learning all the facts about made up worlds; our usefulness is limited to walking-encyclopedia/peon.)

(If I've missed anything in this list please let me know)

Until next time, keep your sword at the ready and lay off the poison apples!

Blessings,

Sir Jake of Rivers

Chosen

A reflection on Matthew 22:1-21

     

     [And again Jesus spoke to them in parables, saying, "The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who gave a wedding feast for his son, and sent his servants to call those who were invited to the wedding feast, but they would not come. Again he sent other servants, saying, 'Tell those who are invited, See, I have prepared my dinner, my oxen and my fat calves have been slaughtered, and everything is ready. Come to the wedding feast.' But they paid no attention and went off, one to his farm, another to his business, while the rest seized his servants, treated them shamefully, and killed them. The king was angry, and he sent his troops and destroyed those murderers and burned their city. Then he said to his servants, 'The wedding feast is ready, but those invited were not worthy. Go therefore to the main roads and invite to the wedding feast as many as you find.' And those servants went out into the roads and gathered all whom they found, both bad and good. So the wedding hall was filled with guests. "But when the king came in to look at the guests, he saw there a man who had no wedding garment. And he said to him, 'Friend, how did you get in here without a wedding garment?' And he was speechless. Then the king said to the attendants, 'Bind him hand and foot and cast him into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.' For many are called, but few are chosen."]

   In once sense it appears as though Christ was simply rebuking the religious leaders for their rejection of salvation. (And that it is, make no mistake!) But Jesus is going deeper than that here. His choice of wording is exposing something far deeper and infinitely more glorious. We know this because every time Jesus veers suddenly away (in word or action) from what would be expected, he is doing so to reveal more of the immensity and splendor of God. 

     "For many are called! But few _________!" 

Accept? 

Respond? 

Choose? 

     This should be obvious! He just went into length describing the failed response of those invited to the banquet! What does being chosen have to do with ANYTHING in this parable? The king invites, the guests refuse. Point of the story: Don't be a decliner! 

But this is so much more powerful than anyone was anticipating.

     This parable is not a shout out to the power of man's choice, or the importance of making the right decision. This is instead a monumental, awe-inspiring, pride-humbling, dominating demonstration of the width and breadth of God's merciful grace. We who believe in Christ are those who have been both called, (and even more gloriously) chosen. We are not called (one point for God) and choosing (one point for us). No, our very lives are invaded with the unacceptable offer that the Holy Spirit must re-create us to receive. That what it means to come to be born again. This is what underlies the parable. 

     Getting into the kingdom is impossible without both the calling and choosing of our sovereign Lord. If there was only calling, even if God were to speak audibly from heaven to each individual, there would be not a single believing soul in all the history of the world. If you are a true Christian, its because you were called and chosen and these two words are fatal to sinful hearts. These words are a war declaration and a announcement of victory. For this is what it means to be saved from sin. Our deepest hearts fight to the death against the invasion of grace. (And die they do, on a cross, with Christ.) The old way of living is dead, never to resurrect. Reinstated in its place is not an overturned, disorganized rebellion, abandoned to make it on our own once the evil dictator of sin has been assassinated. Christ does not dispose of the tyrant and leave the oppressed soul to live as it wishes. No, when the conquest is complete, he takes the crown, he sits in the throne and says unto the scattered remnant of the sinner's heart, "Behold, I make all things new!" The soul of darkness becomes the dominion of light. For from eternity past Christ has ordained that this territory, this province, this city, this village, this house, this heart will be his. 

And no one can stop this warrior-king. 

Many are called. The message of the king will certainly shake the corners of the earth. Many will hear, many will cover their ears. Many will scoff. But a precious, beloved few will be rescued. 

     He will come for you, little sheep.Though as frail as frail gets, he will come and deliver you. This great shepherd spoke these very words, "I have other sheep, not of this (i.e. Israel) sheepfold. I must bring them also," (John 10:16) Who can stay the hand of God? Who can bring any charge against God's elect? If God himself justifies, who is it that condemns? (Romans 8:33-34) For all the power and might of hell, flesh, the world, the devil, or even our own sin will never be sufficient to blot out the word written next to our names in the lambs book of life.

"Chosen"

Blessings,

Jake Rivers